naked morning
• 30 May 2008 - pause
no one knows what we do. he filmed me with his cam. this is sick, but i like it. this is lewd but somewhere deep down there is respect and... maybe.... love. that's what matters. doesn't it?
i can't predict the future, but i know what i like. |
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• 16 April 2008 - new light needed
i have been drifting for too long. need to snap out of it. but i can't what happened out of my mind. can't get the pleasure, or the pain. or the wildly passionate thoughts of paradise. or the sensations. they stick too well and engulf. this is what a hopeless literature romantic becomes?
dozing into unreality again |
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• 24 March 2008 - changing course
| i switched courses. have been falling sick lately. have to learn self-control. it was never an issue in the past. why is it now. i tend to blame myself, but who else is there to blame? he says i mustn't lose sight of myself. but with what he can bring to the table, it's hard to focus. clandestine and basal are the adjectives. |
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• 1 March 2008 - feels so good
• 25 February 2008 - gone
something happened. not sure if i should document it. then again what do i keep a blog for.
i've fallen too far this time. i've lost more than my head. was it good? not really, it wasn't what i expected. it was more, but it was also less.
his name is forever withheld in my heart, or what remains of it. i'm too fragile, and i was broken.
in the aftermath, i fear i crave more. |
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• 17 February 2008 - hanging on
• 17 January 2008 - petals
so fragile yet so beautiful.
drifting apart from peoples around me. isolation seems imminent. should just try to focus, but the weather makes it hard. i'm just a stupid diehard romantic. wish emotions could be like mist, and dissipate with time. lingering thoughts, fragments from a yesteryear romance, drift around me.
so unlike the me of the past, driven, with fortitude. guess a sea-change may strike all. |
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• 19 December 2007 - broken
| it's over. but just as well. not been my usual self. alienation, isolation, depression and the sort. no tears though, that's not my style. what a great christmas present - a lesson learnt and life experience gained. i don't wish to elaborate. really grateful dad is keeping his mouth shut. wish i could explode silently. that's not an oxymoron. |
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